The X-Files Podcast: S10E03 – Mulder and Scully Meet the Were-Monster

Join us as we discuss The X-Files season 10 episode three, titled Mulder and Scully Meet the Were-Monster! This is one of the funniest episodes of X-Files we’ve ever seen so we have A LOT of fun with this one.  We also spend a few minutes talking about CelebrityNetWorth.com.

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Alternative Featured Image

Sometimes it’s too damn hard to pick which image should be used as the feature image for the podcast. Here’s the runner up.

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Show Notes

Remember the hot assistant from episode two? Thanks to Eric for sharing her Instagram account.

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Also, check out CelebrityNetWorth.com.

Recap

  1. Intro – Stoner 1 and Stoner 2 are huffing gold spray paint under the largest full moon EVER. “Do you ever think life is so amazing,” one of them asks, “that maybe we shouldn’t waste it by getting high all the time?” He says no he thinks about being a werewolf. She asks “what would you do if you were a werewolf?” He says, “…get high.” They come upon what they see as an attack by some type of spike covered monster. The monster freaks out, runs past the couple off into the woods. The man who was being attached is fine but not the guy before him. Unable to ‘deal,’ the huffing man goes for another swig of goldspray paint.
    1. Easter Egg: in the teaser sequence previously appeared in a pair of season-three X-Files episodes: “War of the Coprophages” (also written by Morgan) and “Quagmire” (which Morgan did an uncredited rewrite on).
  2. Mulder is sitting in the x-files office throwing pencils at what turns out to be Scully’s “i want to believe poster.” He is reflecting on old cases and how they have all been explained reasonably. He says he’s middle-aged and isn’t sure he wants to spend the rest of his life chasing monsters. Scully then comically says they have a new case involving a monster. Mulder flings another pencil at the poster.
    1. Easter Egg: Usually he throws them into the ceiling (the first episode where that happened was the killer-doll episode “Chinga,” from season five, co-written by Stephen King). Here, Mulder throws his No. 2s like darts at the “I Want to Believe” poster.
  3. Mulder is going full Downer Dan in the woods with Scully. He’s refusing to believe in a monster. He blames it on mountain lion, a grey wolf. “Maybe he was attacked by a lion a tiger or a bear. Maybe all at the same time. that’s how i want to go”
  4. The creature attacks a hookerman. Hookerman says, “i told the officers he slithered off that way… but they think i’m on crack.” To that Mulder says “are you?…” Hookerman says with a large amount of sass, “yeeeeaaaa!”
  5. Mulder and Scully approach and scare the animal control guy. they hear a noise and go off chasing it. The animal control guy runs the opposite direction. Mulder is hysterically trying to figure out his new camera app. They then begin yet another Benny-Hill style chase scene, Mulder’s camera flashing the entire time. The chase ends when the monster CLEARLY runs into a portapotty. Mulder and Scully open the door to find a flabbergasted man. They walk away to keep looking as the brit is revealed to the audience as the monster .
    1. Easter Egg (Meh): The agents first come across Guy Mann in a Porta Potty, which I like to think is a reference to a scene in the classic season-two episode “The Host” in which the sewage-dwelling Flukeman hides in a similar cartable toilet.
    2. Easter Egg: Guy Mann’s human wardrobe is the same as Darren McGavin’s character from the 1970s TV series Kolchak: The Night Stalker, which Chris Carter cites as a primary influence on The X-Files.
  6. Scully is doing an autopsy as Mulder shows Scully EVERY SINGLE PICTURE ON HIS PHONE. He shows a hilarious video of just him and the animal control guy screaming for like 5 seconds. “He shot blood at me from his eyeball.” he backs up his claim with a website about lizards that shoot blood from their eyeballs. Scully says, “The internet is not good for you, Mulder.”
  7. Mulder is in his hotel room when he hears the hotel clerk yell “monster!” He goes to check it out and the clerk tells him it’s nothing and to go back to his room. The clerk says “Now please go away or i’ll kill ya.” Back in his room he finds a wicked-large Jack-o-lope on the ground. As he’s about to put it back on the wall he discovers a secret door leading to a hidden tunnel. From here, you can spy on all the guests. Mulder busts the clerk, and says he expects when checking into an establishment like this he expects the owner to be a peeping tom. The clerk has a flashback to when he was 1st spying on Mulder in a red speedo, then spying on the monster.
    1. Is the clerk drinking rubbing alcohol?
    2. Easter Egg: When the motel owner peeps into Mulder’s room, he sees the agent sleeping in the infamous red Speedo from the season-two mythology episode, “Duane Barry,”
  8. Mulder is back on the creature bandwagon and tells Scully it’s a real monster. Mulder has the entire conversation by himself. At the end, he says, “the first thing we need to do… (looks at the animals on the wall and says in a whisper) is check out of this hotel.”
    1. It’s a monster, Scully, plain and simple. And not just your everyday, run-of-the-mill monster, but we’re talking transformation here. Man into monster and back again. To which I know you’re going to say– “But, Mulder, that only happens in werewolf myths that were originally concocted to explain away the violent behavior of people who’d been bitten by rabid animals, before the medical discovery of rabies.” But is it so outlandish to believe that some legends are based on actual occurrences and not just ignorance? To which I know what you’re going to say, Scully, you’re going to say, “But, Mulder, it defies every known law of science and nature.” Exactly, Scully– every known law. What if this creature that we’ve stumbled upon is here to create a whole new paradigm for our understanding of life itself? Or maybe science was used to create this “unnatural” being. Maybe this is some GMO experiment run amok by some military-agro-big-pharma corporation. Maybe this guy is its chief geneticist, who recklessly experimented on himself and now transforms into a fiend who needs to feast on human flesh. To which I know you’re going to say– “But, Mulder, that sounds like the paranoid ravings of some lunatic madman.” I don’t know what this thing is, Scully, and I don’t know exactly how it came to be, I just… All I’m saying is, it’s a monster.
    2. They are feeling very nostalgic for the old days
    3. Easter Egg: Alex Diakun. The peeping-tom motel owner is played by Canadian character actor Alex Diakun, who appeared in three prior Morgan-scripted X-Files episodes (“Humbug,” “Clyde Bruckman’s Final Repose,” and “Jose Chung’s ‘From Outer Space'”), as well as in Morgan’s season-two Millennium episode “Somehow, Satan Got Behind Me.” He also shows up in another Millennium installment, the Chris Carter–penned “Lamentation,” from season one. And he’s the head-transplanting lead physician in the second X-Files movie, I Want to Believe (2008).
  9. Mulder meets with an old man who tells him a story about a monster. he said he prescribed the monster an antipsychotic, but he didn’t think it would do much good. Mulder asks why and the doctor says, “______.” The DR prescribes Mulder and antipsychotic for believing in the monster. Mulder leaves the prescription and after he leaves, the DR takes the medication.
    1. Funny Stuff
  10. The monster is walking through a cemetery. Mulder shows up and stands in front of a headstone, with the name Kim Manners.” The monster man tries suicide by cop, but Mulder isn’t buying into it. Mulder says he’ll kill him but he wants to know how he became a monster. The monster man agrees but tells Mulder he’s going to need a drink because it’s “a shocker.”
    1. Easter Egg: Mulder approaches, and lovingly touches, a tombstone engraved with the name of the late Kim Manners, the director who helmed the most X-Files episodes (52 in total) The epigraph on the stone, “Let’s kick it in the ass,” was a frequent Manners saying.
    2. Easter Egg: Jack Hardy. The tombstone Guy Mann is standing in front of is for the late Jack Hardy, an assistant director on two Chris Carter series —Millennium and The Lone Gunmen. He held the same position on the second X-Files movie, I Want to Believe.
  11. Flashback – the monster is chilling in the woods (laying on his back with his hands behind his head, chewing on what looks like some straw) when the animal control guy rushes into the scene and bites him. Gesticulating wildly, he panics and runs by the stoners in fear. He further explains his situation FOR THE NEXT 15 MINUTES.
    1. Easter Egg: Daggoo is the name of a harpoonist from Moby Dick; just like Queequeg! Queequeg is the son of a South Sea chieftain who left home to explore the world, Queequeg is the first principal character encountered by the narrator, Ishmael.
    2. Quotes
      1. Is this what you look like when you’re “normal”? What? Three eyes? But yeah, that’s actually quite close.
      2. “This phone has 2000 gigaburts of pixelbits”
  12. Mulder wakes up in the cemetery. His ringtone is the x-files theme. Scully is at the animal control shelter. She is attacked by the animal control guy. She over powers him and arrests him. “Scully, that is the second time you’ve approached a dangerous suspect without backup. What’s going on? Scully says, “Thought maybe you’d want some more quality time with your lizard man. Besides, you forget– I’m immortal.” Mulder runs off and Scully steals a dog.
    1. Easter Egg: Mulder’s ringtone. After Mulder drinks himself into a stupor in the graveyard, he’s woken up by his ringtone — the X-Files theme song, composed by Mark Snow.
    2. Easter Egg: How Scully dies. In the X-files episode “Clyde Bruckman’s Final Repose,” the Boyle character predicted Scully’s demise: “How do I die?” she asks. Bruckman responds, with a gentle grin, “You don’t.” Hence Scully’s “You forget … I’m immortal” quip to Mulder in this episode.
  13. Mulder pulls up to lizard man in the woods at night. he tells him he caught the killer. He tells Mulder it’s time to go hibernate, to which Mulder says he didn’t’ know reptiles hibernated. Guy say, “Woah. I’m not a reptile. That’s racist!” Guy says, “There you go again, not believing me.” To that Mulder says, “I want to believe.” They shake hands as Guy turns back into a monster. The last thing we see of the monster is him running off into the woods culminating in a skip in the air with a  side kick.

 

Overall Thoughts

  • Mulder starts off this episode being completely jaded and convinced none of it was real. By the end of the episode he was reinvigorated with the possibility of the fantastic being true again.
  • Mulder sees the proof, Scully misses it. The monster escapes into the night
  • The monster has humans understood
    • He became self conscious
    • he felt naked
    • he had to hunt for a job
    • his craze wouldn’t be satiated until he found steady work
    • Rather tragically i found work right away
    • “This phone has 2000 gigaburts of pixelbits”
    • “I know have the one darwinian advantage humans have over all other animals: the ability to BS my way through anything. I mean it’s better than camouflage.”
    • “What’s even more disturbing is what I did after work that first day. I was so exhausted, out of my mind, I… I committed a murder. Who did you kill? A cow.”
    • Hilarious order at drive through
    • “I took my kill, checked into a motel, and then I just spent the rest of the day helplessly watching… p0rn.
    • Coffee. Need coffee.
    • Alas, I was human again. I went back to work. But now that I had a job, all I could think about was how much I hated my job.
    • But I was too overcome with human fear to quit. How would I pay my bills? Without a job, I’d-I’d never get a loan and start a mortgage, whatever that is. Already I was terrified I wasn’t saving enough for my retirement. And what else was I supposed to do? If I haven’t written my novel by now, I’m never going to write it, you know?
    • “I got a puppy! I named him Daggoo. And I quickly realized that the only way to be happy as a human was to spend all of your time in the company of non-humans.”
    • Because life’s hopeless. A few fleeting moments of happiness, surrounded by crushing loss and grief.
    • I was filled with the one thing that only humans can understand– revenge.
    • “I know it’s hard to believe, but apparently I’m terrific in the sack. You made that up. Oh… all right, you got me. Ever since I became a human, I can’t help but lie about my s*x life.”

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